fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
