If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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