I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
