How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
love makes seman taste better
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
