My liver just broke up with me...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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