captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
