This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
