so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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