im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
