I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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