Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
