Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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