I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
