Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
