at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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