She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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