I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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