No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
