I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
someone threw a dead crab at me
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
