Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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