I want to walk on stilts...naked
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
