I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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