would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
