if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
