now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
