I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We have started to decorate penises.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
