So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
