Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
