I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
