did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
