your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
