Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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