Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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