In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
