Plan B is the new Plan A
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize