I swear she didn't look like that last week.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Ketchup is God's man juice
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
