well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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