maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Randomize
