i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
