Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
