just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
