I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
