Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
