The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
