There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
