You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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