Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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