I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
