Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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