I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
