remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
