Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
one two three fourrrrnication!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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