Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
