Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She's the barista slut.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize