Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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