just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
