Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
