i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
