I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
