He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
