He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i drank out of a bidet.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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