She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
