And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
