btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
