You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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