Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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